good intentions

well, yet another day and i forgot my second daily post.

it was around 4am after a really long work session. honestly, i even opened vscode. i was ready to write the second daily one. but for some reason, i was so exhausted from work i just shut down the pc and went to sleep.

i only realized this when i woke up. and of course, i'm disappointed.

i even made a post before about how i forgot my second post the first time. still, i managed to forget twice.

so what do i write about? i don't know. literally no idea.

but maybe that's the point. maybe this is exactly what i need to write about - the cycle of good intentions meeting the wall of human exhaustion.

there's something almost cruel about how our brains work sometimes. you can have all the motivation in the world, you can open the right apps, sit in the right chair, have your fingers ready on the keyboard... and then your body just says no.

not in a dramatic way. not with fanfare or rebellion. just... shutdown. power button. sleep.

it's the gap between who we want to be and who we actually are at 4am after 12 hours of work. between the person who makes promises in the morning and the person who barely has enough energy to brush their teeth at night.

and the worst part? the guilt that comes after. waking up and remembering that moment when you were so close to following through, but didn't.

maybe this is what building habits actually looks like. not the smooth, linear progress we imagine, but this messy cycle of intention, exhaustion, disappointment, and trying again.

maybe the real commitment isn't about never failing. maybe it's about showing up again the next morning, even when you're disappointed in yourself.

even when you literally have no idea what to write about.

even when the only thing you can think to write about is how you failed to write yesterday.

so here i am. showing up again. not because i'm perfect at this, but because i'm determined to keep trying.

the garden doesn't need perfect consistency. it just needs someone who keeps coming back, even after forgetting to water it.

especially after forgetting to water it.